True Irony

  1. Irony is a figure of speech in which words are used in such a way that their intended meaning is different from the actual meaning of the words. It may also be a situation that may end up in quite a different way than what is generally anticipated.
    Today I had one of my little moments. I’m 42 years old, I’m allowed my little moments. Not only am I allowed these small moments, it’s almost mandatory that I do so and share it them with the world. So tag, you’re it.
    This Monday morning I rolled out of bed and for once, I know exactly what I was going to wear. Was it ironed? Hell no, but it didn’t have any wrinkles so on it went. If you must know (and you must) I had on black trousers and a cute black crocheted top with a red camisole underneath.  I pull into the parking lot at work, get out of the car and start that hike from the parking lot to the front doors of the building. It’s quite nice actually. I look at the flora and fauna, get my heartrate up a little, and try to avoid stepping on an ant hill. It’s peaceful. Yes, well generally it’s peaceful,this morning, not so much.
    Ten paces into my trek, my undies start to take a journey all on their own. First, the left leg of the bikini brief starts to inch it’s way up over my left cheek. I, of course, do what every woman does and no man ever seems to; I widen my stance and do a little sidestep with a wiggle. In my head I’ve already prepared the explanation should I be spotted, “I was trying to keep from stepping on an ant. They’re such industrious creatures, we need more of that.” The briefs, seem to co-operate and slide back to an acceptable position. Three steps later the left leg starts its slow crawl up and over the left cheek. I again do the widen-sidestep-wiggle. This time Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off is going through my head.  Naturally, I give a little shake (that tune is catchy as hell). The briefs slide back into to place. The rest of the walk into the building is uneventful.
    Fast forward to 10 in the morning and I get up to procure a tasty little snack. Guess what happens? You guessed it, the underwear staged a coup d’etat! Both sides decided they just had to boldly go where no man has gone before and meet in the middle. On their way to unity they managed to snag the one hair I have on my tuckus. (I double dog dare you to contradict that number. You don’t know my life!) It was so unexpected that without thinking about it, I just reached around and put the kibosh on that damn reunion quick, fast, and in a hurry. What I didn’t take into account was the young man standing within line of sight. Before I could say anything he said “I saw nothing.” I smiled and nodded and walked back across the room and out sight. The irony here? I’m opposed to wearing thongs because underwear doesn’t belong in your nooks and crannies. However, despite my feelings on the matter I somehow managed to end up with underwear that aspired to be thongs.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. newboldtopia
    Oct 07, 2014 @ 10:17:11



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